I can feel my eyeballs today.
Really feel them. They are popping out of my face.
I have invested in eye drops, something I haven’t done since my university days.
But the eyedrops only mask the underlying cause instead of solving the issue.
I am tired.
Really tired.
And it shows in lots of different ways.
I am struggling to get up in the morning. Yes, daylight saving has had an impact, but I am really struggling. I used to get up at 5am. I am fighting now to get out of bed at 7am...okay 7:30am.
My tolerance levels have dropped. I pride myself in listening with empathy, but lately, the empathy has been thin. Really thin.
My commitment to hit the gym has hit the wall.
My attention span is short.
And the real sign of my tiredness can be found in my notebook. For those who have seen me with my ruler, my notebook is usually a well-organised machine. My system of a ruled line dividing the page into ‘things to do and key things to remember or note’ has been a critical tool in helping organise my busy-tanga. I have relied on my notebook to help keep my life well and ordered. Even the fabulousness of Monday.com comes in second to my notebook. But open my book today, and you will see the line is missing, and as opposed to providing guidance and direction, it is muddled and hard to interpret.
It’s Mental Health month. Somewhere. I read that just now, and my eyeballs are screaming. Tired equals mental health checkup!
I have some leave booked. It was meant to be two full weeks of rest. Then it dropped to eight days – with very important meetings squeezing their way in. And now it has dropped to two days here, another two days there. I have people asking Shanea, who helps keep the chaos of my diary in check, ‘Can we just get an hour?’
And my brain goes, ‘Shit, that is really important, you need to sort that out’, but my eyeballs are screaming.
Being a leader and a founder in a young company comes with a very busy diary and heavy workload. If you aren’t working in the business, you are working on the business. I am sure my whānau would like me around more (maybe LOL) or at least more present when I am. My challenge is, I forget about looking after me. I constantly feel the pressure of being on so that the business, the team and then whānau get what they need. But that can only go on so long, my eyeballs absolutely tell me that. When you have drained the tank, you can’t be on for anyone. So I am going to rethink my leave, and actually take a decent break. Not the day here and day there scenario either. My encouragement to us all (and yes, I am using this blog as my own way of keeping myself in check) is don’t let the tank run empty! Take time to recharge, to be present, to be you and get joy outside of mahi. I am really looking forward to leave if I am honest. I just need to make sure that I protect it and defend it as much as I would my whānau, the team and the business. Entrepreneurship is looking after me and the business and team and whānau. My mental health, and my poor eyeballs demand it.
Nā Charisma Rangipunga
